Tag Archives: fatigue

Autistic Energy – A Depletion of a Person

I have been thinking a lot about energy lately. Particularly about human energy and why I am always so tired.  I have written about being tired before –> The Hidden Meaning Behind “I’m Tired”

Being tired, burned out, exhausted is something that I continually deal with on a regular basis.  Being tired never seems to end. There is a meme that I really relate to – “I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.”

Exhausted Pigeon

Why am I like this? Why I do I feel tired, exhausted, and burned out all the time? As with everything in my life, it is never one thing.

I am not the first autistic person to write about this topic. Some others include:

The common message in all of these is the problem with masking and not being able to be your true self in a world that is not designed for you. Societal expectations have an enormous impact on an autistic person’s energy levels.  Contrary to what our society pushes, having the goal to look “normal”, or “be indistinguishable from our peers”, is not a good thing.  Having this expectation that we must strive to pass as non-autistic is damaging to the autistic person.  Unfortunately, we learn at a very young age that in order to survive, we must wear a mask.  As a young person, we may not truly understand why we wear that mask; it is almost instinctual, ingrained in our psyche that in order to make it in our society, we must hide our differences.  We become targets if we don’t.  Wearing a mask is exhausting and we can’t always hide who we are.  No one can maintain a mask indefinitely.  At some point, cracks will begin to form.  A person will eventually burnout and crash due to the tremendous toll that wearing a mask takes on a person.

That mask hides a lot of crap. Take me for example.  By looking at me, you are not going to see a highly impaired autistic person who lives in chronic pain and has mobility issues from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, who also has Complex-PTSD from a medical trauma and domestic abuse, who has Generalized and Social Anxiety Disorder, who struggles with depression and panic attacks, who has a math learning disability (dyscalculia), but who also has a Bachelor’s in Science degree, a Master’s in Education degree, been a teacher for over 20 years.  People have gotten frustrated with me over my dyscalculia.  I have been asked, “You are so good at Science. Why are so you so bad at math?”  A person can be good at one thing and still have a learning disability in another thing.  One doesn’t cross the other out.

I am called “high-functioning”, but that is not correct. Functioning labels are very problematic. I am seen as “high-functioning”, but then my needs are ignored.  I am told I am being ridiculous or overdramatic, that I am not really impaired, because I have been successful in X, Y, and Z.  I am questioned as to why I can’t do a thing when I did the thing last week.  There are days I stay in bed all day in recovery mode.  It takes me a long time to recover from social activities.

My son has been seen as “high-functioning” as well. The reason is that he is highly verbal and it considered twice exceptional. His educational support needs were over looked, because the school saw a gifted student and didn’t think he should be receiving services even though he qualified for those services.  He eventually had to be home schooled due to the school not being able to meet his specific needs.  My son could no longer function in a regular school setting.  Functioning labels are harmful.

My daughter has been seen as “low-functioning” and it really bothers her. People think that she can’t do things. They see her as “low-functioning”, because she doesn’t talk much in public and she carries around a stuffed animal and uses “chewies” to help her self-regulate. She complains that things in school are “dumb-down” for her and she finds that insulting. She has learned to advocate for herself and having reached the Age of Majority, she is now in charge of her Individual Education Program (IEP). She wants to be challenged, but not to the point that it overwhelms her. Who would want to be overwhelmed? My daughter is not “low-functioning”.  She has needs just like anyone else.  She can function when her needs are met.  Doesn’t that apply to everyone?

Both my children learned to wear a mask at a very young age. It is not something I set out to teach them.  I didn’t even know I was autistic until after both my children were diagnosed.  As I stated earlier, it is almost an instinctual behavior for an autistic person to learn wear a mask.  Both my children struggle with mental health issues.  Some of these issues are genetic and some were caused by their father. Children don’t choose to be neglected and emotionally abused by a parent.  Domestic violence creates ripple effects on those who have been subjected to it. If domestic violence was experienced in childhood, these ripple effects can last way into adulthood.

There has been more information coming out recently about the intersection of autism and trauma. Lauren Gravitz did a piece about this topic entitled At the intersection of autism and trauma. In the article, Connor Kerns, assistant professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada, is quoted:

 “We know that about 70 percent of kids with autism will have a comorbid psychiatric disorder,” says Connor Kerns, assistant professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada. Depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder are all known to be more common among autistic people than in the general population, but PTSD had largely been overlooked. Until a few years ago, only a few studies had delved into the problem, and most suggested that less than 3 percent of autistic people have PTSD, about the same rate as in typical children. If that were true, Kerns points out, PTSD would be one of the only psychiatric conditions that’s no more common in people with autism than in their typical peers.

One potential explanation, Kerns says, is that, like other psychiatric conditions, PTSD simply looks different in people with autism than it does in the general population. “It seems possible to me that it’s not that PTSD is less common but potentially that we’re not measuring it well, or that the way traumatic stress expresses itself in people on the spectrum is different,” Kerns says. “It seemed we were ignoring a huge part of the picture.”  

Bushraa Khatib wrote An in-depth look into how people with autism experience trauma, and in it, Khatib states:

To date, little research has looked in depth at the experience of trauma in people with autism. Research has shown that people with autism have a higher risk of adverse childhood experiences, such as financial hardship, mental illness or substance abuse in their families or parent separation or divorce. Such events have been consistently linked to immediate and lasting health disparities, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression and other mental health issues.

There are also many reasons to believe that individuals with autism are more likely to experience and struggle to recover from traumas. According to a 2015 review article published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, studies have found that youth with intellectual and developmental disabilities are more likely to be maltreated than their peers. Social isolation, family stress, and poor communication skills – all of which are prevalent in children with autism – increase the risk of maltreatment

The lack of awareness and understanding of autism within the community and increased social isolation of individuals with autism can also put them at additional risk for victimization.

The impression I am getting from these articles is that there is a general lack of understanding of autism and how co-occurring conditions manifest in an autistic person. Due to this lack of understanding, society is ignoring a huge part of what is happening.  Living in our society, being told we must meet expectations that outweigh our abilities to meet them, constant stress of change, the ongoing sensory onslaught, the inability to recover quickly enough from the strain of pushing to meet these external expectations, and this apparent instinctual behavior to mask ourselves so that we can pass as “normal” is harming us so much so that there are those who begin to see suicide as the only logical way to end the pain.  I have written about depression and autism before –> Social Skills and Depression.

From my blog entitled To Those Who Still Don’t Understand:

As the aforementioned article states, the ages for the life expectancy of autistics vary a bit, but the statistics point to an uncomfortable reality.  Autistic life spans are shorter than typical life spans.  A study out of Sweden completed late in 2015, entitled Premature mortality in autism spectrum disorder, revealed that people with autism died an average of 16 years earlier than those who do not have autism.  There are other studies out there that support the Swedish study findings. 

Why is it this way?  Why do autistics seem to die younger than those who are not autistic?

Previous studies had shown that 30 percent to 50 percent of people with ASD have considered suicide at some point in their lives.  Bullying, anxiety, depression, feelings of isolation and alienation all contribute to this.  There is a high cost trying to cope in a world that is not designed for you nor is accepting of you.

Then there are the co-existing conditions that seem to be common to people with autism. Chronic health problems can shorten a person’s life span.  Epilepsy, Elhers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), gastrointestinal problems, sensory overload, and lots of stress related illnesses, which can lead to physical ailments, including heart disease, brain inflammation, strokes, and diabetes – these seem to be common occurrences in the lives of autistic people. 

I will end this blog with a something that I wrote on Facebook on January 11th, 2020, and to clarify that I am not suicidal:

My counselor told me today that the complex stressors that have been ongoing in my life have more to do with environmental/systematic issues than anything else. The type of assistance/support I need to reduce these complex stressors doesn’t exist. This is not the first time I have been told this. Other professionals and non-professionals have told me this over the years.

The system is rigged and it is broken.  Our society is not designed for people like me and families like mine. I feel like I am trapped in these seemingly never ending loops of environmental and financial instability, fight/flight/freeze response, and being retriggered again and again.

On a positive note, I have been able to climb to higher loops than where I was seven years ago. Back then, I was full-on in survival mode. I was a brand new single parent who was under-employed, in grad school, financially insecure, facing food scarcity, beginning the journey of coming to terms with my own disability and Complex-PTSD, needing to begin home schooling (another system failure), and beginning the journey of supporting my children through their own grief and trauma as well as helping them learn self-acceptance. There was a lot of crying, lots and lots of crying. Survival was my only option. I had to survive so that my kids could make it.

Climbing out of a swirling tornado is incredibly exhausting, and so much of that climbing I have had to do on my own while “pulling” my kids along with me, because no one gets left behind.

I am still stuck in that damn tornado, but I am a lot further up than I used to be. I am high enough to see the top edge, but I am still too far down with too much weight on my shoulders to reach it.

I need a break. I am tired. I am just so damn tired.

Personal Responsibility, Self-Advocacy, Education, and Support

On November 26th I wrote about Finding Hope. That writing was part of my Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) that my Peer Support Specialist is helping me put together.  The “hope” portion was only the first part. There are four other concepts to this writing that I needed to figure out what their meaning was to me.  These remaining concepts were easier for me to write about than writing about “hope”, but my writing didn’t turn out like I thought it would.  Instead of separating these last four concepts out, I ended up combining them all in a long narrative. 

It has taken me years to write my story. A bit here and a bit there. So much struggle.  So much pain. When I was first diagnosed with PTSD, it was recommended to me to get my story out to help with my healing process, but I just couldn’t.  This is why it has been so difficult for me to conglomerate every thing that has happened to me.  I made an attempt in June of 2015 to combine everything up to that point when I wrote The Volcano is Awake. I cried writing it.  It reads choppy, but it seems every time I try to write my story that happens.  I am still trying to heal. Healing takes time and how that healing plays out is different for everyone.  My ability to write to the point at which I have is quite an achievement for me, because for so long I couldn’t even do that much. 

In this second part of putting my WRAP together, I was faced with determining what personal responsibility, self-advocacy, education, and support meant to me. As I stated before, I was not expecting my writing of these concepts to turn out like it did. I am not sure what that means, per say, but I think it demonstrates where my processing of things are, where my focus is, and where I am in my struggle to heal.

So, here it goes. Some of this writing is repetitive information from past blogs, some of it is not. This is me putting my story out explaining my ongoing journey to wellness.

I am stretched quite thin and have been for some time. My responsibility to others, particularly my family and students has led me to neglect my own self-care.  The one thing that I promised myself when I was 18 years old was that I would run as often as I could and I have kept that promise through two difficult pregnancies and countless injuries.  I have always lived an active healthy life style, even when I was a child I was active.  I have strived to keep my body strong and healthy and it has served me well. 

I was born with a congenital condition that has been slowly destroying all my connective tissues. My body cannot produce enough collagen to bind my cells together properly.  The only way to be diagnosed with this condition currently is by keeping track of years of injury, and just not any injury.  I am talking about joint injury, bleeding and bruising problems, and organ prolapse.  I have a long list of injuries and surgeries that a person my age with long history of living a healthy lifestyle wouldn’t expect to have.

During my high school years, just prior to my first surgery, I was told by my doctor that if I let myself get out of shape I would lose my ability to walk. My joints were already that lose and dislocating. At 27 years old, after the birth of my second child, I was told that the only thing holding my body together anymore were my bones and muscles.  At 38 years old, I was told that only my muscles were holding my body together anymore.  I am currently 41 years old and my bones are now essentially floating in my body. It doesn’t take much for them to move out of place and cause considerable pain.  It also doesn’t take much to injure myself.  Just doing everyday things can cause me to end up with an injury that lays me up for days or weeks. I have to be very conscious of how I move my body.  I have to keep my upper body always aligned with my lower body and that is not an easy thing to do.    

I have been in physical therapy eight times since I was 14 years old. I have been told to stop running for years, but I refuse. My physical therapist doesn’t even try to tell me to stop running anymore.  He says now that, yes, running is hurting me, but it is also keeping my body strong, which is needed to hold it together.  

Running is also good for my mental well-being. There are days when I go running in the woods and scream at the trees.  I cry. I shout. I let everything out.  By the end of my run I feel tired, but purged of all that stress in my head that was tearing me apart.

I also write. Writing has become my “voice”.  Through the encouragement of another teacher who saw an ability that I didn’t realize I had, who was also a mother of an autistic son and a blogger herself, I found my “voice” for the first time in my life. I was 36 years old at the time I received my Autism diagnosis, which was after both of my children were diagnosed.   I was never taught how to be an advocate or to even how to advocate for myself, but as a parent and a teacher, I figured it out on my own.  Finding my “voice” only empowered me further. 

I now write two blogs, I have a Twitter account, and I run three public Facebook pages plus my private Facebook page. I am also a Founding Member of ANUE (Advocates for Neurodiversity and Unique Empowerment).  ANUE has become primarily an online support and resource group, but there is an option to have face-to-face meetings.  I am in contact with people all over the world through the internet and have meant some really amazing people.  

Would it be better for me to have more contact with people face-to-face?

Yes, I do believe it would, but my situation does not allow for that, so over the last four years I have created a large social network online. It has been a life saver for me, but in times of crisis, more face-to-face support would be better.

Becoming an advocate was not something I decided one day to become. I wanted to be a teacher since I was seven years old. I struggled with the decision of becoming an Art Teacher or a Science Teacher for years, but in eleventh grade I took my first Geology class, and that was my deciding factor.  I was going to become an Earth Science Educator and I did. My dream was to teach science in a public school setting and I did accomplish that.  I have been a certified teacher for 18 years, but I have not held a certified position in four years.  Due to my declining health and responsibilities to my family, my children in particular, I am no longer able to work in a classroom on a daily basis.  I still teach, however, just in a different way than I had originally planned.  This is where becoming more of an advocate comes in.

I went back to graduate school four years ago with the goal of earning a Master’s degree in Science Education. My passion lies in Science and I wanted to continue working in the field of Science Education.  Unfortunately, as always, life happens when you are making other plans.  My marriage collapsed unexpectedly two months into my program.  It was devastating, but I had to carry on for the sake of my children and for myself. 

I managed to make it into my second year of grad school and it was at this point when I began to realize there was a problem. Due to my executive function problems, I needed accommodations to get through the certain classes. My classes were mostly online and the university was in Montana with the requirement that two lab courses had to be completed on campus.   I live in Washington State. The University felt they could not provide the accommodations that I needed to be successful.  I had to make a choice, struggle through knowing that I would eventually fail or transfer into a different University all together.  I decided to transfer to Lesley University in Cambridge, MA. 

My experience with Montana State University and my experience as a teacher, a parent of two children with a variety of disabilities, and with ANUE showed me that my focus needed to be placed where my untapped strengths were pointing me toward, I am a teacher and an advocate and I needed to focus on Autism Education. Lesley University follows Universal Designed for Learning Standards.  Basically, an accommodation that is good for one person is good for all.  The accommodations I needed were already in place and I didn’t even have to ask for them. My experience at Lesley University was amazing and I finished in two years with a Master’s in Education with an Autism Certification.

My hope with getting a Master’s degree was that it would open more doors for employment with the ultimate goal of becoming self-employed. I even have started my business online as an education consultant and tutor.  I have not been able to really focus on it, however, due to the circumstances that my family is currently living in and my own mental health.  Once things start to calm down and become more stable, I fully intend on developing my business more.

Self-employment, a livable house, a place that I can call home, these are all important goals, but I think the biggest goal I have is to be finally able to heal. I have Complex-PTSD and I am in autistic burnout.  I keep pushing and pushing myself each day just to get through.  I am tired of trying to survive. 

I WANT TO LIVE!!

It is going to be a rough ride, though, to actually reach that point of stability where I can actually reach my goals. My support team is going to be such a pivotal importance in the coming years.  

Who are these people who will be that much needed support?

I am so used to struggling on my own. It was how I was raised.  I grew up with very little to no support, particularly in the emotional support department. My emotional needs were essentially ignored. This was very difficult for an undiagnosed autistic child who struggled with debilitating anxiety mixed with depressed states who didn’t have the words to express how she felt nor did she understand those feelings.   I was often told by my parents that their job was to provide clothing, food, and shelter. That was basically it.  I had to learn to make it on my own.  My marriage was like that as well, very little to no support, even during my darkest times in my life.  That situation is improving, however, but very slowly.  

It took me a long time to get myself to a place where I would actually ask for help. I was just so used to being told “no”, that my “voice” didn’t matter, that my needs didn’t matter.  I am more disabled that I even am able to acknowledge to myself, and it is disheartening, but I know I have worth and that I matter. It has been quite a journey getting to the point where I can say that.

I HAVE WORTH!!

I MATTER!!

So, who are these wonderful people who I could turn to for help?

I created a Mind Map to sort that all out. Doctors and counselors (for both my children and I), local friends, online friends, ANUE, immediate family members, fellow teachers and advocates, my pets, there are actually a lot of people and critters listed, expect for my extended family members. My hope is with time the bubble for Other Family Members will grow, but at this time it is not possible.  My parents basically disowned me for reasons I won’t go into here and I am unable to really speak to my sister for reasons that are too painful to discuss right now.  When it comes to learning about the effects of trauma and learning how to adjust my life due to my physical and neurological disabilities, I am a knowledge junkie.  I devour knowledge.  I am forever learning and I have a skill when it comes to researching.  I can find information relatively quickly and present that information in a manner that is easy for others to understand.  I am always looking for answers and new pathways to follow whenever I hit a roadblock in my journey through life.

I am still looking for the pathway that will allow me to get to a point where I can actually live and not just survive. I hope that day will come sooner rather than later.  I am tired, so very tired.

Hear My Battle Cry

Here I am sitting at my lap top again trying to find words and at the same time I am listening to “Battle Cry” by Imagine Dragons.  I am in a battle now, a battle to just hold on, to make it through, and to survive.  Life shouldn’t be this hard.  How did my life get so hard? I will not give up, though.  I will keep fighting. This is my battle cry!

Hear My Battle Cry

I will make it through!

I will survive!

Hear my battle cry!

 

I may be hungry.

I may be cold.

I may be in pain.

 

But, I will make it through!

I will survive!

Hear my battle cry!

 

I may feel hopeless.

I may feel lost.

I may feel alone and isolated.

 

But, I will make it through!

I will survive!

Hear my battle cry!

 

My body may be taxed.

My mind may be flooded.

My spirits may be shattered.

 

But, I will make it through!

I will survive!

Hear my battle cry!

do-not-give-up

The Hell of a Meltdown – When Your Brain Becomes Flooded and Short Circuits

explosion

Image found at Regarding Autistic Meltdowns: What They Are, How to Handle Them, and Why Kids Having Meltdowns are NOT Naughty Brats

My Facebook post from yesterday:

So, meltdowns suck, are painful, are hugely embarrassing, and you cannot stop them . . .

Meltdowns don’t stop when you become an adult . . .

A meltdown has been ongoing all day . . . I am in hell . . .

My environment sucks . . .

Trying to block everything out with music. Life keeps intruding . . .

 According to Bec Oakley from Snagglebox, “Anybody Can Have A Meltdown”:

What are meltdowns?

Put simply, a meltdown is a state of neurological chaos where the brain and nervous system overheat and stop working properly. It’s called that because it’s the body’s equivalent to a meltdown in a nuclear power plant, in which the fuel in the reactor core becomes so hot that it melts and releases energy.

Sometimes it gets so hot that it causes an explosion, and the energy is released outside of the core. It’s this explosive reaction (crying, yelling, lashing out) that most people refer to when they talk about behavioural meltdowns, but that’s just the bit that you can see. There’s a whole lot more going on inside during a meltdown.

Bec Oakley goes on to describe what happens during a meltdown:

What happens during a meltdown?

When we find ourselves in a stressful situation from which we can’t easily escape, the brain becomes flooded with emotional, sensory or cognitive input which jams the circuits and kicks off the ‘fight or flight’ responses associated with panic. Executive functions like memory, planning, reasoning and decision making start to shut down, which makes it even more difficult to find a way out of the situation.

Eventually the neurological pressure builds to the point where it begins to trip internal circuits like language, or is released externally as an outburst of physical energy like yelling, hitting or running away. Although this explosive reaction often seems to come from nowhere, it’s just one part of the meltdown cycle.

Meltdowns are horrid things.  They hurt so much and you can’t stop them. They also don’t stop simply by becoming an adult.  I am 41 years old and I still have them.  At least now I know what they are and I can feel them building.  Five years ago I didn’t know what meltdowns were.  I also didn’t know what autistic burnout was.  Five years ago I was finally diagnosed and I finally had answers.  I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t losing my mind, and I wasn’t broken. 

The first time I went into autistic burnout I had no idea what was happening to me. I had no words to describe it.  It was hell.  It felt like I had been sucked into a black hole.  I was being torn apart, yet no one could see it.  I was screaming for help, but no one heard me.  I had to claw my way out on my own.  It took years.  During that time I was diagnosed with PTSD. That was just over 12 years ago. That initial PTSD diagnoses has now been upgraded to Complex-PTSD.

I have fallen into autistic burnout many times since, but I knew what it was and I knew what to do. I have once again fallen into autistic burnout, but this time is different. I know longer have a healing environment to submerse myself in.  In fact, it is this environment that I currently exist in that has led to this newest bout of autistic burnout.  I have been having more and more meltdowns.  Yesterday was a particularly bad one.  As I type this I am still struggling to recover from it.  I am shaking as I type.  The crying that started yesterday morning hasn’t really stopped.  My brain wants to shut down, but I have to keep going.  I have responsibilities to take care of.  I don’t have the luxury of shutting down to allow my body and mind to heal. 

Yesterday evening I went through my old blogs looking for ones about meltdowns. I started blogging in September 2012. Pain and struggle seem to be re-occurring themes with me and it is getting really old.  Today I have been playing Avril Lavinge – Keep Holding On  over and over again. I am determined to make it through.  I will keep holding on.

Here are my past blogs about meltdowns:

The Dreaded Meltdown – Part 1 and The Dreaded Meltdown – Part 2 – February 10, 2013

Why Won’t They Listen? – January 27, 2014

Being Emotionally Exhausted – February 27, 2014

Here I am Again – The Long Road of Living Exhausted – January 8, 2015

Side to Side – May 13, 2015

Here is some more useful information about meltdowns and autistic burnout:

The Tell Tale Signs of Burnout … Do You Have Them? – Psychology Today Article

Ask an Autistic #3 – What is Autistic Burnout? – Video

Meltdowns: triggers vs. root cause – Blog (Life, His Way – Thriving with Autism)

 

The Hidden Meaning Behind “I’m Tired”

What comes to mind when a person tells you they are tired? Do you ask them if they didn’t sleep well the night before?  Do you start talking about changing diets or increasing their amount of exercise?  Do you think of anything at all or do you just nod your head and start chit chatting about other things?

I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t tired. I am perpetually tired.  The word “tired” doesn’t even seem to be an appropriate word for how I feel, but I don’t know what other word to use.  Exhausted? Fatigued? Overloaded? Drained? Burned out? Stressed beyond what would be considered acceptable levels? 

In September 2012, I began writing publicly about my journey with my family. That was eight months after I was diagnosed. I was the third in my family to learn that I was in fact autistic.  We each also have our own co-existing conditions that manifest themselves in ways unique to each of us.  We might share diagnostic labels, but how these conditions present themselves is different depending on whom you are talking about.  Age, personality, genetics, and environment all affect how these presentations occur.

This all plays into what it really means when a person says they are tired. Looking back over my old writings I see that there are common themes in many of them: exhaustion, stress, pain, burnout, and making it through it all.  

When asked how they are doing both my children often have a scripted response of “I’m tired.” That simple two word response is actually a very loaded response. Hidden behind these two words is a long story of struggle, confusion, stress, frustration, pain, and exhaustion.

How does one go about breaking down all the components of “I’m tired”? Do you even try or do you just shrug it off, because you don’t know how to respond to it?  You see the person who said they are tired still getting through their day with everything that is required, so maybe you think their tiredness really isn’t so bad? Maybe you don’t stop and think about the reasons behind their tiredness and just add more to their already full plate. Maybe you are unaware of how their plate changes sizes depending on the day, so you just keep loading more things on them. More requests, more demands, more expectations, more and more until the person either explodes or shuts down.

Human beings are amazing creatures. They can take a lot of shit before it is just too much and their bodies and minds simply cannot endure any more.  Resilience, determination, patience, and stoicism are aspects of me that have gotten me through so much crap in my 41 years on this planet. I endure. I go on.  I keep moving forward, because there is no other direction for me to go.

I’m tired, sooooo very tired. I often wonder if there will be any time in my life when I am not tired.  I think there will be. I really do.  There has to be.  My brain cannot fathom that there will never be a time when I can say I am not tired, so I keep moving forward.  I look forward to that day when I am no longer tired, a day when I can wake up in the morning and actually feel refreshed.  It has become a quest of sorts.  A day free of exhaustion!  That will be an awesome day.

A few past blogs about exhaustion, burnout, and resiliency:

Here I am Again – The Long Road of Living Exhausted

Being Emotionally Exhausted

Exhausted All The Time

Here is the blog I wrote about resiliency.

This blog was a response of mine to Musings of an Aspie’s blog that is entitled “Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation”.

Here are some helpful Tumblr blogs about autistic burnout.